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Sophie Carlson

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[21 Apr 2005|12:41pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Yesterday was 4/20. first 4/20 I havent celebrated in like 4 years? I spent it hiding from all the stoners in the library.
I also started working on my collage. The one that I got the shells from the beach for. I had a really good idea and I can't wait for it to be finished because I think certain people will find it tres amusing. Someone put something ridiculous and not funny on my door today, but I'm not going to let it bother me. It was the article aobut the accident and I know it was topher because "dont forget who you are" was written accross the top. he's so mean. but my past doesnt bother me. I paid for it. I did the right thing. I'm at peace with it. And I don't care who knows. right?...

And now I am off to go for a walk. Because it's really good walking weather.


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[20 Apr 2005|09:49am]
Yesterday Parker came over for a bit with whitman and we just lounged around my bed reading and eating animal crackers. I prefer giraffes. He prefers elephants. I dont think our relationship can handle such conflict. haha. So then he left because I had to study and I get nothing done when he's hanging around my room.
And of course like 10 minutes after he left Ethan came by with amazing news that required celebrating. So we went for a swim. Because I love hypothermia. And we talked about quite a few things. I am really glad he feels like he can talk to me. I think he really is dealing with a lot of difficult stuff. With the beatings, and being bi, and all this other stuff I am glad he can trust me. And walked home after nearly freezing to death. things have been so good here, even though I thought it was going to be just like home. I'm trying really hard to keep positive and stuff, but at the same time I'm really scared that something is going to go wrong. I would really hate to lose everything I've gained here.
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[19 Apr 2005|04:43am]
The beach is lurvely.
I suggested we go hang out there the other day so we did and it was qiute fun. I drew pictures in the sand and collected shells- I think I might make a collage of sorts sometime in the future- I haven't done that in forever. Then we all stripped down to our underclothes- which are basically bathing suits and went running into the water. And of course, things happen in the water. but it's okay. I think I really really love him. And the whole day was really just perfect and good.
I came home and took a shower to get all the salt water and sand off and stuff and then I had just come back to my room and I was talking to Ethan and he said he needed advil.... so I went there and he was all beat up. I really worry about that kid.
And now I should go to school. Cause its what I do.
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[17 Apr 2005|04:05pm]
Last night I was just listening to damien rice and reading and Ethan was really upset so I went to his room. It makes me so sad and angry that he gets so hurt and that people are so terrible to him. I really think he is better than that. He doesnt deserve it.
Anyway he was so down that I broke out emergency pizza provisions and go fish and we talked. I ended up sleeping there since he was in no shape to be spending the night by himself. some of the things he was saying... are just scary. And I think I love him in that little brother way that I just want to protect him and make him okay and help him come out of this with himself still in tact. So this morning we woke up and the sun celebrated him going outside and we ate pancakes.
And now I am going out with henry and parker- two of my all time favorite people ever. And henry's girlfriend who I dont really know but who I'm sure is lovely.
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[16 Apr 2005|06:50pm]
I made ethan have lunch with me out in the sunshine and draw silly pictures with me of the people that passed by. I really love people watching. Making up stories about people where they're from, where they're going. But he ACTUALLY smiled for point two seconds, which was impressive. My skills are excellent, and my mission for today is SO accomplished.
Ethan makes me sad- because he seems so genuine and unique and I think if he just had a more positive outlook he could really be something fantastic.
Okay I'm stepping off my supercheery soap box.
Havent seen parker since the party. We had fun despite our lack of dancing skills. I wish I saw more of that kid.
I wish I oculd understand how he felt. I mean, I like him, but I am just really not good enough for him. He's so pure and sweet and sensitive and smart and good.And I'm so not...blah now I sound like ethan.
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[12 Apr 2005|06:22am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Went to a party a couple of nights ago. I met ethan who needed a friend and drew pictures of drunk kids and we talked and I made him make a wish on a star and it was dorky but fun. Ethan who needed a friend likes old movies and I like old movies too, so we can be old movie friends, I've determined.
Haven't seen/heard from parker in a few days, but I'm holding his jacket hostage, so I know he'll be around. he wants to know about how I ended up at abbott and I don't want to tell him. I don't want to tell anyone, but I especially don't want to tell him. I like the way he looks at me now like I'm a good person and a pure person. Nobody looked at me like that back home, and if he knows he'll look at me differently too.
Le sigh. its cold out again today. And not as sunny. Which sucks. And yesterday I rented Les Choristes so I think I'm just going to watch that after school. Blah.

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[10 Apr 2005|08:18am]
saints and demonsCollapse )

[09 Apr 2005|12:31pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Last night was really fun. Parker is one of those people that never ceases to amaze you. and a really really good kisser He's just so modest. Haha if he blushed any more I was going to worry that his skin would stay that color permanently. And he is seriously breaking Charlotte Bronte's heart. Jerk. And he read Kafka which made my day.
I just love spending time with him. He makes me laugh and I dunno. He's different from any guy I've ever met. Hah, whatevs. And then I came back to my room and talked to Brit a bit. She apparently likes Topher. Which is awkward. Given our past and stuff... but whatevs. He's a nice enough guy when he's with it
I still need to plan field trips for henry and parker and myself. I am thinking we should go rollerskating. Because seeing henry on rollerskates would kind of make my day. Hahaha.
I showed Dante my picture of him and he was impressed, which made me happy. I have never shown some random person a picture I drew of them. I was worried he'd like hate it or try to torch it or something. Mr Calouro, which is what I have learned is the Art teachers name, said it was good too and we put it in my portfolio.
Le sigh. And now I am off to find something super duper to do with my time.
I am a lonely painter
I live in a box of paints
I am frightened by the devil
And I'm drawn to those that ain't afraid
I remember the time you told me
Love is touching souls
Well surely you've touched mine
and part of you pours out of me
In these lines from time to time

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[07 Apr 2005|10:38am]
[ mood | okay ]

I got chalk pastels today!! I'm excited. The art teacher guy gave them to me. I wish I knew his name. But he's nice. And I'm doing well in his class. Actually, I'm doing well in all of my classes. Pretty hard to believe, considering how htings were in philadelphia.
Speaking of home, Topher is here. I dont know why. I guess he got out of that other juvenile correctional facility he was in and his parents sent him here. It was... weird to see him. Things ended awkwardly but not badly with us. I just htink there was too much stress on things there. It's like I just want to forget him. Which is kind of hard to do when he's at my school.
Blah it's nice out today. I'm gonna go wander around outside in the sunshine. find a nice tree to read under and stuff.

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[07 Apr 2005|07:33am]
a flashback. a nightmareCollapse )

[01 Apr 2005|11:03pm]
Tonight I was all bored and stuff so Parker came over and we built a fort, which I didnt think Brittany would mind, since she is usually out of the room anyway. And then we camped out in the fort reading and writing notes back and forth- and I showed him the little sign language I knew. He seemed mildly impressed. I reaaaally wanted to kiss him but yeah. I am not big on complicating things and I dont know whta his deal is. So I'm just gonna chill for now And I talked to kendall a whole lot today- I think she and I are going to hang out tomorrow. And bowling with parker and henry. And music with caci. Hah since when am I social?
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[31 Mar 2005|08:08pm]
[ mood | blah ]

I talked to my dad today and he promised to send me more paper, which is awesome, since I've drawn pages and pages of stuff. Most of which, now that I'm looking at it is crap. I used to have such better ideas when I was high. But my guilty conscience is more important than my lack of creative ability. I need a muse. I need some sort of inspiration to draw. I am thinking that if it is this pretty tomorrow afternoon I might go to the zoo and try drawing some animals or get on the bus and watch people. I was on the bus today and some little kid- he couldnt have been more than like, 2, came up while I was reading and sat next to me (his mom and dad were sitting in front of me.) and so I continue to read and he starts talking to me and the next thing I know he fell asleep on me. Like, literally head on my arm drooling on my sweater sleeping on me. It was kind of cute, but also kind of unnerving. Kids make me sort of sad and nervous. I'm not good with them.
But yes. I dont really have too much more to write in this so I am going to go look for henry and parker and see if they still, in fact, do want to go bowling or something cheesy and fun. I need some cheesy and fun right now.

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[29 Mar 2005|10:53am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

I feel like things actually might be getting a little better here. I am not so homesick, and I talked to brittany for a bit and she made me feel a little more relaxed about being here. I met another whitman fan, parker, and he plays the piano, which is really really cool. I feel like we need to hang out sometime.
and I am such the nerd. I definitely picked up the book of american sign language at the library. Someone that cool is worth learniing to communicate with.
I got some CDs the other day and a couple of nice summery skirts. I hate shopping by myself, but whatevs, it's getting warmer. I needed the stuff.
temptation sucks around here. but I'm not going to go back to old habits.
Off to do some drawing/observing.

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[26 Mar 2005|10:23pm]
my baby's got a secretCollapse )
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[22 Mar 2005|08:25pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Can I just say that I have a serious need to go shopping. It seems like I've left all my favorite clothes and movies at home, and I must replace things. Week one at abbott has been very uneventful so far. Except there are a lot of interesting faces here. I've been drawing like crazy. My dad told me he'd send me more charcoal pencils and two sketchpads, even though I told him they probably have art supply stores around here.
I've talked to this one kid Henry a lot. He is always in the library studying or reading. I am always in the library reading or drawing. I like how quiet it is in there sometimes. And when people are concentrating they don't notice me drawing them for a while. Which is good because I like candid portraits. He seems like a good enough kid. Best of intentions anyway.
And brittany is really fun. We had a memorial service for her favorite soap opera character yesterday afternoon. I think I'm going to ask Caci to go shopping with me off campus tomorrow. She seems like she'd know where all the good stores are.
And there has been this one boy I've talked to a couple of times. And I have no idea who he is. He knows who I am though. I have that whole dark and mysterious crush thing going on. whoever he is, he smokes and thats crazy lame. I want to point him out to someone so I can find out what his name is.
I am reading Metamorphasis for the 9 billionth time. Because I am a dork. I have a feeling that the parties here are all frat-y and not laid back. I dont wanna be a part of that drama. So I am apprehensive.
Okay, back to my book.

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[21 Mar 2005|12:29pm]
spectator sportCollapse )
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[20 Mar 2005|12:53pm]
[ mood | okay ]

Day 2 of Abbott Academy....
I woke up and had breakfast with my roomate! Word. She seems pretty nice. I think everyone here is pretty chill so far, except maybe that girl dina. I don't get why someone would waste such valuable time in life with such a stupid and pointless emotion as being bitchy. Seriously. Life is too short.
Yesterday I took my sketchbook around and just observed. Listened to some music, explored, drew a little bit. Tried to find the library purely by wandering around. Signs are for people that are in a hurry,and I really wasnt. I did however find the cafeteria, the athletic building, and the science lab. And I drew this girl with really cool red hair and I talked to her later. Her name is caci. She seems like the type of person I would be friends with back home. I even invited her to come with me to bonaroo. Because she would appreciate something like that.
And I talked to my dad. I miss him so much already. I have spent everyday with my dad since I was born and it is really weird to not see him at all. Blah. Homesick just a tiny bit.

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[04 Mar 2005|01:09pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

"I always tell the girls never take it seriously. If you never take it seriously, you never get hurt. If you never get hurt, you always have a good time. And if you ever get lonely, just go down to the record store and visit your friends." --Penny Lane, Almost famous.

I seriously think that should be everyone's motto in life. What's the purpose of getting all worried and bothered over life? it happens. Deal.
Penny lane is my role model in everything bohemian. Not that I am a bohemian. I'll smoke up every once in a while, I am all about sharing and living life naturally. But I wouldnt label myself bohemian. Labels are for people who need somewhere to belong. And I don't. All I need is myself.

I mean, I have friends at school and stuff. But I've just never seen the point of having a crowd or a scene. Or an image to put up with. I put on a skirt and some cords and a teeshirt and I am out the door. And I like it that way.

So I guess maybe I should give a little more of an introduction than this. I am sophie carlson. I am 17 and I just transferred to abbot after my dad got a job writing overseas for a newspaper. It has just been me and dad for a while. My mom left when I was really little. Just never came home from work one day. Left my dad a message on the machine that she wasnt coming home. it was tough, but I love my dad, and we work really well as a team.

So I got a double dorm and I am excited to meet whoever I am going to be rooming with. I hope it is someone chill. I also just can't wait to get settled in and unpacked.

Okay I should probably get going.


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